gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
