Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
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We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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