oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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