I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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