You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
