My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
3pm strippers are depressing
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
