it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
