kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
