I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
