There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
