my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
