I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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