I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
