How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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