I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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