I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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