Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
