Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
