No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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