It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
