So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
