I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Send help, water and tortillas.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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