Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Randomize
