You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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