she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
