end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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