Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
