I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
