I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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