people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
