I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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