He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
