you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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