Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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