As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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