Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
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Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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