Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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