this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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