Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
