Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Randomize
