How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
People in love make me want to vomit
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
