I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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