accomplished twins. life is a go
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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