Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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