I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
