Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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