I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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