mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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