I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
