My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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