Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So much rum. So many feels.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
