It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
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He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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