i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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