My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
