Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
True strength comes from lack of pants
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