Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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