Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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