I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
